she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
