i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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