Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize