A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
