wrigley field is MILF paradise
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
