He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
