How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
