i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
