My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
