You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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