walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
