thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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