Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
