is your mom at the bar?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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