You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
