like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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