I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've blown a few things in my day
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
