They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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