I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
