Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
