There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
