He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
