you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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