id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
