Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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