You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize