dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sext me about skeletons
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
