It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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