somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
