Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
