So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just want to make out with him forever
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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