Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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