Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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