and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
