What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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