Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
