You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
