Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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