I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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