Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
