i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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