Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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