Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
