Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
