Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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