You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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