He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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