youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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