legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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