I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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