Soap is not a condiment
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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