he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
