You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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