Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
