Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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