I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
