The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
