what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
