D3 body, D1 cock
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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