I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
