Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
