you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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