I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
