ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
