i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
