I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
