Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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