What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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