you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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