I hate your face
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
