i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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