I don't think brook has ever known best
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
