Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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