hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
