He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
