I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
