I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
