This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
