I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
