He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
