winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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